And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
