all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize