I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
