You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize