Where is the hickey?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
