You're so nebulous sometimes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
