On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
