i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you would pick up someone in the library
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
