OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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