Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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