who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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