So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
