i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
