I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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