he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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