I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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