I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
