the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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