just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we're making bets on your personal life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Enjoy the penises
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
