beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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