the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize