I want to have your abortion
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
