Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
