STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
