If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
