The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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