TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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