i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My ass is underappreciated
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
