so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
where does the pee come out of this thing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
