I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
