It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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