sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
