i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize