My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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