I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
