I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
