I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
