tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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