did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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