she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
