I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
