What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
