Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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