I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
