We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
