if you like me you must not know who I am
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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