It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
