I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
