we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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