oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
