You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
