I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
