I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
