I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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