did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
