Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
