Ambien. No doubt about it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
