im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
