I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think I am morally bankrupt
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize