I just cut my nipple shaving
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
