3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
