Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
