We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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