You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
