Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
