did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
