Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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