i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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