As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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