Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
