Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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