i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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