dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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