That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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