i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
