Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize