He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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