You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I thought spray tan was a myth
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You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
